“After receiving an email advising of the deaths of two former mercy residents I looked up further postings on Mercy. I came across one posting that showed the material from the Restoring The Foundations mannual all residents worked through. The material was on demonic oppression and it certainly was a real eye opener!

As residents we recieved our copy of the folder and material bit by bit and we were started on the easier to handle subjects like forgiveness, first. We worked through that and then were given the next subject. Upon reflection of this one can’t help but feel that it was done that way to give the staff time to indoctrinate residents into believing that this counselling program was the only way to get better and the only way to feel better. I truly believe that by doing that it caused a lot of residents to feel guilty for feeling like or thinking that something was off or not quite right when they came to the subject of demonic oppression. When a resident did come to that subject they were given a list of stuff to go through for homework and they had to circle or highlight all subjects that applied to them. I remember struggling with it at the time and being very unsure of what to do as I did not know a lot about my family background due to a number of reasons beyond my control.

Due to all the indoctrination I had recieved over my time there i truly believed that if I didn’t get evrything on that list that applied to me then I wouod never be truly set free which distressed me greatly. I had visions of graduating only to struggle with these so called demonic forces for the rest of my life. I filled it out the best I could and the next session I was given a prayer card to quickly read through and then given a very brief explanation of what the “DELIVERANCE” process would involved and that there had to be a second counsellor had to be involved and that I was to tell them if I experienced any “symptoms” during the session.
the list and the prayer card along with a brief explanation was the only things a resident was ever given.

All the other stuff that has been posted was “instruction for the counsellor” that a resident was not allowed to see.

I have now seen it and as they were so fond of preaching to us the truth will always come to light. We were totally deceived. The whole thing was done in a way as to make the resident compliant to the program as well as staff saying and implementing various other things they thought a resident needed to make them compliant so that by the time they got to the deliverance part they would just accept it and do it without question. One can only wonder what they wouod have done/how they would have handled it if they had come across a resident who was truly demonically oppressed.

I believe that seeing the whole material in print and not just the parts they gave us as residents has really opened my eyes to how much deceipt was a normal part of the mercy program and how girls were truly sucked in and even manipulated by both the program and staff there and it makes me pretty angry.

No wonder girls are still suffering the effects of this program 5 and 10 and more years later. I believe it will be a long time to come before the effects of this place on the residents will disappear completely if ever. I also have to wonder how many more girls who went through this program will die because of the damage done”

So far AGCH have revealed that their program is “founded on the vision and principles of Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries International” and that they changed the name from Mercy Ministries New Zealand to A Girl Called Hope because they “have been unable to Trade Mark the Mercy Ministries name in New Zealand and have overcome this through re-branding”.

(You can read AGCH’s previous letter to me here .)

These revelations prompted me to raise some further questions with AGCH so I put the following to them:

• Having read some recent comments by Nancy Alcorn on Choices That Bring Change it would seem that, from Nancy’s perspective, Choices That Bring Change is virtually the same as Restoring The Foundations. As I previously said this is quite concerning.
• You mentioned that you don’t do “exorcisms” but can I ask, does your program include praying against demonic oppression or interference? And can you tell me what differs between your program and Choices That Bring Change and Restoring The Foundations.
• In the interests of Christian openness, truth and accountability can you send me a copy of Choices That Bring Change, or whatever it is that you call it?
• You used the word “holistic” to refer to your program. Does this “holistic” approach include time spent with a properly qualified professional psychiatrist? This is something that the other Mercy houses have claimed is available, but in reality turns out to be simply “bible college counsellors”. I’m sure A Girl Called Hope is fulfilling it’s duties to those with psychological problems by having professional help available but I need to check this.

This is their response:

“Hi

We do not pray for any resident unless they ask specifically for prayer and then the prayer is for what they are requesting.

Fundraising and Marketing Coordinator”

Jenny Barrow has inadvertently answered my biggest question. In saying “I personally can not give details on the differences between our counselling programme and Choices that bring change and I can not send a copy of that to you as it is copyrighted to Mercy Ministries International” she has revealed that the copyright for AGCH’s programme belongs to Mercy Ministries. This must mean it is identical and uses the same wording.

So there you have it, A Girl Called Hope are just as secretive as Mercy Ministries International, and just as unwilling to share with the world what exactly their programme entails.

Why are they so afraid of publishing their programme? What do they have to hide?

This prompted me to contact A Girl Called Hope with a list of questions about their programme. I asked A Girl Called Hope the following questions:

• Why has the name been changed?
• Is the programme still Choices That Bring Change and is it exactly as it was in Australia?
• Have any changes been made to the programme in the wake of the Australian scandal?
• Do you perform exorcisms like they did in Australia?
• What is Mercy Ministries involvement in A Girl Called Hope and does Nancy Alcorn hold ultimate responsibility as head of Mercy Ministries International?
• Why is there no mention of the Australian chapter of Mercy Ministries in the history of A Girl Called Hope? Why does your website imply that there was never a Mercy Ministries Australia?

This is their response.

“Hi

Thank you for writing in regards to your concerns.

Since opening the home in 2007 we have been unable to Trade Mark the Mercy Ministries name in New Zealand and have overcome this through re-branding. Our new name communicates the heart of who we are every time it is mentioned – like the story of the butterfly, A Girl Called Hope believes in complete transformation and a future full of hope and possibilities.

A Girl Called Hope is a registered charity in New Zealand with the governing board and accountability remaining in New Zealand. The Programme is founded on the vision and principles of Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries International. It is based on Christian principles, with a holistic approach and we have adapted and developed this for New Zealand.

Residents have individual counselling each week. This will include prayer if requested but we do not perform exorcisms. Our focus is to work with each resident, empowering them to make healthy life choices that can bring change and transformation to their lives.

The residential programme at A Girl Called Hope is holistic in approach and individualised to meet the needs of each young women participating. We endeavour to provide a safe and supportive environment for this to take place and encourage residents to approach staff if they have any concerns.

On our website we refer to Mercy Ministries as an organisation that we have based our programme on and list the countries where they are operating, as Australia no longer has a home we have not listed them. The focus of our website is to inform those about A Girl Called Hope here in NZ and provide those who are interested in our organisation with information that is helpful to them. We recommend that those wanting more information about Mercy Ministries refer enquiries directly to them.

Kind Regards”

So, according to A Girl Called Hope their programme has been “adapted and developed” for New Zealand and they are not in any way governed by Mercy Ministries Australia. But it is worth pointing out that it is standard structure for each Mercy Ministries operation to have it’s own board of directors within each country and despite this stories are still emerging from each country of abuse and mistreatment. Having a local board does not mean that that each country operates wholly of it’s own accord.

By their own admission A Girl Called Hope ” is founded on the vision and principles of Nancy Alcorn”. It is this “vision and principles” that are the greatest cause for concern. Remember Nancy thinks that mental illness is actually “demonic oppression”.

The email states “we have been unable to Trade Mark the Mercy Ministries name in New Zealand and have overcome this through re-branding”. So what is clearly implied here is that were it not for the trademarking issues A Girl Called Hope would be operating under the name Mercy Ministries.

The overall tone of this email is that A Girl Called Hope is a completely independent organisation, started of it’s own accord which happens to model Mercy Ministries but which isn’t the same as Mercy Ministries.

Do not be fooled. A Girl Called Hope IS Mercy Ministries wearing a disguise.

“Think of a happy place and ask yourself this: does it take more skill to heal the body or heal the mind? Few would entrust their physical health to anyone who was professionally unqualified, unaccountable and under no professional obligation to try to make you better. Which is why, if you seek help from a podiatrist, chiropodist, or several other health professions, you are protected by statutory regulation. If a physiotherapist gets too familiar, for example, you can complain to a government watchdog, which will decide whether to strike him or her off a national register. Those falsely claiming to be such professionals can be prosecuted or fined.

With matters of the mind, however, no such conditions apply. Anyone can put up a brass plate and call him or herself a psychotherapist or counsellor, and those looking for expert guidance through their most intimate issues must rely on trust, often at a time when they are most vulnerable. Rest assured, though, nobody will mess with your feet.

This week, the Health Professions Council (HPC), the regulator chosen to correct this anomaly, will make its formal recommendations to the Government on how best to control the psychotherapy and counselling industry. “It will,” promised Marc Seale, the HPC’s chief executive, at the time of the watchdog’s appointment, “for the first time, create a legal framework that will allow for the removal of rogues and charlatans from practising and potentially harming the public.”

Ranks are split between therapists who grudgingly accept a need for regulation by a watchdog with teeth, and purists who argue the process of therapy should not be subject to the same biomedical codes of conduct that already govern, say, paramedics and X-ray technicians. The spectre of state intervention has also highlighted issues as old as Freud — namely, how do you regulate psychotherapy when no one can agree on what it is, and how do you find the right rulebook if, as some claim, there are as many different types of therapy as there are ways of talking.

The experience of Shona Fleming, 24, from Doncaster, who underwent therapy offered by an organisation with extreme religious views, underscores some of the difficulties. Three years ago, she was struggling with bulimia, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Then she heard through her church about a free counselling service that promised to help. Mercy Ministries UK — motto: “Lives transformed, hope restored” — describes itself as a “distinctly Christian organisation dedicated to helping girls and young women — ages 18 to 28 — who specifically seek our care for a variety of addictions and hurts”.

Fleming checked into its residential counselling programme at a house in the village of Oxenhope, Yorkshire. Minimum stay is six months and contact with friends and family is limited. She found the experience so distressing, she calls it “Mercy Miseries”.

The group, founded by Nancy Alcorn, an American Christian evangelist who blames psychiatric illnesses and homosexuality on “demonic activity”, has homes in the US, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. It claims it has helped more than 2,500 girls worldwide to overcome depression, eating disorders, addiction and other “life-controlling issues”. It is believed that about 20 young women are now in care in the UK home, which opened in 2006.

Fleming claims that her nine-month treatment — involving intense study of “demonic oppression” — left her deeply disturbed. And she also says the in-house solution to bulimia was 45 minutes of “couch time” after every meal, during which girls were forbidden to go to the lavatory unaccompanied. Group counselling revolved around study of a bizarre “hellfire and brimstone”-style self-help manual, Restoring the Foundations, seen by The Times. Exercises include “Sins of their Fathers”, which links patients’ conditions to any “iniquities” in their family history, such as abortion or homosexuality. The final chapter, “Demonic Oppression”, instructs how to “cast out demons” through “deliverance” and include charts linking demons to everything from cancer, anorexia, Aids and rock‘n’roll.

During her one-to-one counselling, Fleming claims that her counsellor blamed a “little girl demon” for her depression and eating disorder. “If sessions got too intense, she would break out in prayer or start speaking in tongues.” She was encouraged to stay in the programme by her family, who are committed members of Abundant Life, an US-style “charismatic” church in Bradford, with strong links to Mercy Ministries. Feeling confused and increasingly introverted, Fleming recalls being called into the main office by three senior members of staff.

“They said I wasn’t moving on with my issues and had to confront the ‘little girl demon’ inside me. They told me to walk around the room, and started walking around me, praying, speaking in tongues. It was getting louder and louder. They were saying, ‘Talk to the little girl, tell her she’s got to go. Tell her she’s got to leave’. I was freaked out.”

She believes that what took place was an exorcism. “I look back on it now and it seems crazy. I should have worked it out, but I felt vulnerable.” Now a confident woman, Fleming feels that she has overcome her problems — despite counselling, not because of it. “I really did come out worse than when I went in,” she says.

Arianna Walker, executive director of Mercy Ministries UK, says that dozens of girls who have been through the UK programme thanked Mercy for improving their life. One such example is Joy, 21, a former self-harmer from Bedfordshire, who joined in 2007. “I probably wouldn’t be alive today without Mercy,” she says. “I never thought I could exist without feeling desperately low, but I decided to go to Mercy Ministries for one more attempt at life. I found an abundant life that is not like anything I’ve ever known.”
Joy has joined the Abundant Life Church, where she pays to attend its “leadership academy”. She says that, unlike Fleming, she found study of “demonic oppression” therapeutic.

Walker says: “Unfortunately, as with any organisation dedicated to helping those in need, there are occasionally those who express frustration with some aspect of the care they have received. MMUK takes such complaints very seriously.” She denies exorcisms are performed, and says that study of “Restoring the Foundations” was discontinued in June 2008: “Our emphasis is on the power of God’s grace and unconditional love to help hurting young women overcome addictions and past hurts.”

She adds that, although the charity supported proposals for government regulation, the Tennessee-based organisation will be changing the title of its staff from “counsellors” to “facilitators”, once new legislation comes into place — “so that our approach to supporting young women is more accurately described according to UK terminology, instead of American.”

Mercy Ministries is one of an estimated 100,000 organisations believed to be offering counselling or psychotherapy in the UK. The NHS is investing more than ever in “talking therapies”, with £173 million earmarked to increase the number of cognitive behavioural therapists throughout England by 2010/11.
However, hundreds of practitioners — from Jungian analysts and well-woman workers to student counsellors and bereavement experts — have signed a petition, declaring a “stance of principled non-compliance” with proposed regulation. They argue that in therapy, unlike other medical professions, there is no specific “cure” to be assessed: just a fuzzy and unsatisfying response to the question: do you feel better?

“Misconduct is misconduct,” says Professor Andrew Samuels, of the Alliance for Counselling and Psychotherapy, which leads the hardcore of resistance. He believes that the HPC system is too costly and bureaucratic and wants an alternative regulator more attuned to what psychotherapists do. “Psychotherapy is not riddled with thousands of unqualified and evil people,” says Samuels, who believes the unscrupulous few are already dealt with adequately by “the law of the land”.
He warns even those struck off the register could still reappear, working as life coaches, while “the [innocent] therapist could end up with a huge bill, a ruined reputation and still be cleared”.

Which begs the question: whose interests are at stake here — those of the public or the professionals?
For Dawn Devereux, a psychotherapist from St Albans, an industry overhaul cannot come quickly enough. She wants to see a new HPC-regulated system that will protect others from having to go through the bizarre, closed-door complaints procedure that she had to face.

As is common, she underwent therapy during her own training. Sessions began inconsistently — “at times, he would act as a classical Freudian therapist, typically silent. Then, he’d spend the whole session talking about himself and his marital problems, or shout, and go purple with anger.” Her therapy ended with an alleged sexual advance. “I was confused and made to feel the problem was me.”

Devereux finally complained to his professional body, but found herself in the “surreal” position of complaining to a panel on which her therapist used to be a senior member. “I felt treated like a troublemaker. I thought that they would want to know about someone like this. Instead they seemed to close ranks.” The therapist continues to practise. “It’s appalling. I’ve done everything I could do, but vulnerable people will still put their confidence in him.”

Now running her own practice, Devereux estimates that about half of her regular clients have had similar, traumatic experiences. She believes that the good name of her profession is being damaged, not just by cases of misconduct, but also accepted practices, such as encouraging clients to attend more therapy sessios than they need.
“As a therapist you’re meant to be helping people, not making them dependent on you. When the power relationship is exploited, it becomes an institutionalised form of abuse. It encourages and fosters a culture of dependency when you’re supposed to be doing the opposite.”

One solution is to extend the powers of the scores of existing professional bodies.
Urban Bliss is an oasis of calm among the boutiques of Portobello Road, West London. The clinic offers techniques across the spectrum of the therapy rainbow. There are healers specialising in shamanism, angel readings and “theta healing”. And also naturopaths, reiki masters, clairvoyants and aura cleansers.

Abigail Peters is a psychotherapist based here. She is a member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists, and the UK Council of Psychotherapy, and believes more regulation by the HPC would be at odds with the work they do.

“It would mean a lot of these people” — gesturing to naturopaths and hypnotherapists next door — “and all these amazing techniques that focus on people’s ‘uniqueness’ would be banished. I don’t believe the few rotten apples justify that.”

Peters describes herself as a “transpersonal integrative psychotherapist” specialising in “timeline therapy” and “eye movement desensitisation reprocessing” for trauma victims. “We all want to know that our field is being protected,” she says, “but when you’re looking at wellbeing, there’s a lot of intuition involved. It’s subjective.”

Human complexities cannot be reduced to a box-ticking process, says Peters, who is concerned that therapists might be unfairly held to account if they fail to achieve holistic healing of mind, body and soul. “When it comes to counselling, lots of people are coming for a quick fix. But as you go deeper, it is possible they will come out of sessions feeling worse.”

That does not necessarily mean that the counsellor is not doing his or her job, she says. Perhaps, the greatest problem is this: psychotherapy boils down to a conversation between two people, freely entered upon. And how do you regulate that?”

I can’t see any reason they would do this other than to try and hide from the negative publicity now associated with the name Mercy Ministries in Australia.

As the official A Girl Called Hope website states this ministry still has “strong ties” to Mercy Ministries and Nancy Alcorn. Clearly this is just Mercy Ministries with a different name. Perhaps Mercy thought that simply rebranding their product would be enough to silence it’s critics? The official website goes on to say:

“A Girl Called Hope is based on the work of Mercy Ministries which was founded by Nancy Alcorn in America in 1983. Having worked with troubled youth for eight years; Nancy gained insight into the reasons why social problems exist, particularly in young women.

The first home was opened in Monroe, Louisiana, this then extended to Nashville, St. Louis and Sacremento, California in the United States. Mercy Ministries has expanded internationally with homes in England, Canada and here in New Zealand.”

There is no mention at all of the Australian homes they’ve opened and then closed; no mention of the compensation payout; the lies they told the media; the thousands of women who’s lives were damaged; or the fact they only changed the name after the Australian home closed.

I’m sure any woman turning to A Girl Called Hope for help would like to know these important facts.

“Destructive mind control can be understood in terms of four basic components, which form the acronym BITE:

I. Behavior Control

II. Information Control

III. Thought Control

IV. Emotional Control

It is important to understand that destructive mind control can be determined when the overall effect of these four components promotes dependency and obedience to some leader or cause. It is not necessary for every single item on the list to be present. Mind controlled cult members can live in their own apartments, have nine-to-five jobs, be married with children, and still be unable to think for themselves and act independently.”

*© 2000 by Steven Hassan; published by Freedom of Mind Press, Somerville MA

The model goes through each of the 4 parts of the acronym above in detail and can be found here.

Many of the criteria found in the model can be found in the stories that have come to light.

“Just wanted to say a huge thank you to Naomi, Rhiannon and Megan for speaking up about your experience at Mercy Ministries.

When I read the article on March 17th I identified completely with it and it triggered off my own traumatic memory of my short time at Mercy. Your strength and courage has allowed me to realise that I was not the only girl who wasn’t right for the program and has led me to question whether the program is right for any girl suffering these illnesses?

The amount of courage it must’ve taken to share your experience is phenomenal given the amount of mind-consuming fear pumped into us about demons and going to hell. Your courage has prompted me to speak up and express my concerns to someone of authority which will hopefully now spare two girls I know from entering the program. The sad part is, where do these two girls, and the hundreds of others, go?

I think what Naomi wrote on the X-Mercy blog sums up perfectly the intentions of us X-Mercy girls and where we are coming from and what we are hoping to achieve by speaking out. I think Naomi made an important point in saying that she does not believe Mercy intended harm – I also agree with this.

The way in which Naomi articulated her story and her intentions is amazing – free of bitterness and resentment, it was composed, reasonable and authentic and it is a credit to the time and thought she has obviously given this and all she has gone through to get to this point – she really says it all and covers all bases.

There is much more to be said but for now just a big thank you and that I hope you are all going ok in the aftermath of the truth coming out.”

“The following is a response of sorts to the story aired on Today Tonight, see the youtube video at the end of the response

More musings from me…..

It really hurts to read and hear the outright, bold faced lies that Peter Irvine is willing to purport as truth. It’s shocking to see how venomously Mercy Ministries have struck out, while we may have “exposed” them and caused a “significant disruption”, the truth is we have not come out with claws or hate and slander.

I’ve acknowledged over and over that I do not believe Mercy has intended harm, they do believe that what they are doing is right (which is just scary) but the motive behind the majority of staff is simply one of a desire to help.

Despite Peter’s continuing claim that staff are qualified and hold tertiary level degrees, this is not at all true, not even in part. At best it is a major twisting of words and distorting of facts. At most some of the staff hold bible college degrees, many bible colleges are “accredited” which means one can do a bachelor degree in theology — don’t let the “ology” on the end fool you into thinking its close enough to psychology. Theology is the study of God and the bible, and this is basically the only qualifications held by the staff who have the daily charge and care of the girls in the program.

Peter has also claimed that because we are girls with psychological issues (by our own admission) we are somewhat mentally defective and are simply lying. As I’ve already stated, coming out of the woodworks three years down the track with “lies” would be nothing more than a cry for publicity, yet not one of us are enjoying the media circus, I myself even isolate from the online world… somehow I think “liars” would be relishing the attention!!! And I think you can judge pretty effectively that none of us are mentally defective, indeed the other girls I’ve now made contact with – others who have also stepped forward, are all highly intelligent people.

It makes me cringe that Pastor Brian Houston stood up in church and drew attention to the media outcry… it makes me cringe as all I can think of is the girls in the program right now. They were there sitting in the mercy allocated seating and all attention was being directed toward them.

It makes me feel as horrid for them as I remember what it felt like whenever he decided to point attention toward us when I was in the program. A novelty item on display, not even granted the dignity of being thought of as a human or individual. Many of the girls in the program along with myself suffered social phobias, just being in the crowded building was often traumatic enough than to have all 17,000 eyes turned toward you.

Peter also cited statistics that he knew were false. 90% success rates… only 6 girls ever failed…. I can tell you now far more than 6 are kicked out every year, a great number more than 6 have come forward. Many however are too scared and still in too vulnerable a place to want to identify themselves. I personally know of 5 girls ending up back in hospital after mercy…

I personally know of mercy graduates who have ended up back in hospital, and when they did mercy dropped them in an instant because they were “choosing” to allow the depression, “choosing” to allow the eating disorder take control, “choosing” to suffer with other symptoms of their original illnesses. Only now these issues have been further complicated and confounded by mercy’s words echoing loudly to each of these young women…

They are failures; they should know better, they are CHOOSING to struggle. The guilt and condemnation just complicates matters further, and that guilt and condemnation is coming directly from mercy. Mercy doesn’t believe mental illness is real… it’s a choice or its demonic influences, and allowing demonic influences’ to plague one’s life is a choice anyway!!!

The thing is even now, they believe this. And it just makes me sad… not mad, SAD!!! Its ignorance, and just because they are not motivated by some evil agenda, it does not discount the drastic effect this has had and continues to have on the girls who reached out to them for help.

The Christian church would not say to someone that has cancer that they should forgo surgery, treatment, medical intervention and replace it with only prayer and God… indeed back in the day some did purport such things but pretty quickly thinking changed to “thanking God for the Doctors and medical treatments” and to pray for God to guide the surgeons hands. They certainly do not say to someone who has been in cancer remission then relapsed, that they are sick because they’ve made “wrong choices”.

Yet replace the cancer or other physical illness with something they cannot see, replace physical illness with psychological and all the rules change.

Mental illness is just wrong choices… mental illness can only be fixed with prayer and God because it’s due to spiritual oppression and … wrong choices!!! The notion of psychologist and psychiatrists, professionals is actually met with scorn.
“The world and their (insert cynical and distasteful intonation here) ‘professionals’ cannot help you only God can”
“The world for all their ‘qualifications’ don’t know how to help you, only we can because we have been appointed by God”

Why doesn’t “praying for God to guide the professional to appropriate treatment and intervention” fly in the face of mental illness?? Why do they feel they do not need to be accountable to any governing mental health body?
And why are they ignoring the evidence in front of their faces when they see some of their most “petted graduates” break when back in the real world? They just write them off, with their favourite catch phrase of “you’re making wrong choices”.

There has never been any accountability… Note even when Peter did say a few had not had favorable results he worded it as “failed”… they failed the program. No acknowledgement of “we tried but we just didn’t know how to help you” … its “they failed, they made choices” …. Where is the compassion and unconditional love in these sentiments??

“Mercy a place where unconditional love conquers all”

Three years on and I still yearn for that to be true… I still long for them to love me like they said they would. Instead one lived in constant fear of condemnation and judgment. Constantly asking ourselves… “Why don’t you love me??? Why wasn’t I worth it?? What made me so bad and evil you didn’t want to extend that unconditional love to me… you promised it, it must exist… it was my fault, I was just never good enough or worth it to begin with”

There is a book, “Echoes of Mercy” which tells of success stories from girls in the American mercy… “Echoes of Mercy” means something very different to me these days… my echoes of mercy are the deep deep soul wounds that refuse to heal. Mercy would tell me I’m bitter, but it’s not bitterness I feel, not at all… what I feel is a heartbreaking cry “why wasn’t I worth it???”

Because even though I KNOW that they are ill equipped, the hurt is so deeply imprinted, their words and catch phrases so deeply engrained that even now just makes me ache and sob.

I don’t think that’s the definition of bitterness or lies….

Do you????

***note I realise that no one here is challenging our stories and indeed have been amazingly receptive and I appreciate that, I think I almost expected that nothing would happen, no one would care, why should they? why would they? That the original SMH articles would be a flash in the pan and not even make a mention… that it did and that people have been widely supportive and respectful of our stories is overwhelming… the above is me just writing out some of my thoughts and more as a response to Peter Irvine’s attempts at discrediting our experiences***”

Original post can be found here.

“Hi I am that girl… I am Naomi Johnson, and I thank those who have been open to hearing this truth. I have this to say to the person who said “I laughed at the opening ……….” in regard to the SMH reporting. I can understand the urge to giggle at such thing, esp. when you don’t know the people. I’m not mad at your sentiments, indeed sometimes all one can do is laugh… but you know, this is my life, this is not about bashing Christians, it’s not about bashing hillsong, it’s not about Easter being right around the corner…. this is about my life, the lives of countless others, and the lives of more girls yet to enter in through those gates.

As for the SMH – myself and the other 2 girls have been in communication with the SMH for a number of months, this wasn’t an “off the cuff” reporting, indeed Ruth Pollard has done a meticulous job in her research, and in her reporting. I know ppl are going to be outraged, there are going to be debate between fundamentalist, church goers, the non religious, b/c let’s face it there are so many issues at play here. And besides everyone loves a good heated debate.
I just ask this, this one little thing to be remembered. This has not been a decision any of us have taken lightly, we are not out for fame or fortune, we have not sold our stories, and we have not received a single cent. Speaking out is in fact terrifying… sore grapes are certainly not at play here…. sour grapes do not speak out 3 yrs down the track, sour grapes do not lead to psych hospital admissions, and sour grapes do not leave a person so destroyed that they cannot even talk to their family.

For a number of months I couldn’t talk, my family didn’t understand, of course it was put down just to the enormous crises I was left in from mercy… but they didn’t know then that I couldn’t speak to them because I feared that by opening my mouth I was letting that “poison” that was within me out… this is what I believed after mercy repeatedly telling me I was “poisonous”… I couldn’t speak to them (my family) because they were my world, they were my family and I would destroy them by opening my mouth… I loved them too much to let that happen.

So no this isn’t about any of the debates between fundamentalists, Christianity, atheism or any of that…. of course people are going to be interested in the details, the how’s, the when’s, the why’s …… I still cannot fully comprehend all these myself. But in the end this is what remains – desperate, hurting and ill girls and young women who are seeking for help only to be left destroyed.

My one mission is speaking out is not for me, but to stop another girl, another woman, your sister? your friend? becoming another life almost snuffed out. If my life and my experiences, as harrowing and horrific as it has been to live though… and as terrifying as it is to speak out and identify myself… but if it means I save another person from the same thing, well…. I won’t say it was worth it… but at least it’s been turned around for something good. Maybe someone will be speared and will instead receive the professional and qualified help that is really needed.

And I say this, after everything, I do not believe mercy intended harm… the staff are ppl who just want to help… they just are not equipped to do so. Yes, some they have helped, but many, many others they have destroyed… does that really balance the odds when you’re dealing with life… because that is what it comes down to .

Sure I have my opinions on the topics of debate, and I know people will be interested in the DETAILS, but I also hope that people can put aside their affiliations, and just be firstly human before taking sides and jumping on the bandwagon.

I do not hate Mercy (i do not agree with them, and it scares me to think of them continuing to operate without any governing medical and professional board to whom they are accountable), I’m just deeply saddened that in their desire to help, they forget that real mental illness, psychological disorders are not things to play around with – even if all they meant was to help, the facts remain and they need to acknowledge this.”

The original post on www.seantheblogonaut.com is here. The original post on Matt Stone’s blog is here.

“Mirrors”

I was surprised by my emotional response upon seeing the second batch of my file. I had anticipated that it would be a little more impacting on me than the first lot, but even still i was surprised.

Reading the staff members’ written accounts of the various events, particularly the more traumatic ones, left me with a sense of haunting nostalgia of my grip on reality being hijacked. Even though i have come to terms with this experience on many levels with the support of God and safe people, i really felt like i did four years ago when i had just finished my 12 month stint in the Sydney home. That is, mentally stranded between two polar opposite realities and captive to lies.

I read all about how I was “gently approached about this” and “lovingly encouraged about that”. I found no record indicating that I was ever screamed into submission, that I ever burst into tears in the program office or that the word of God was ever bent into a weapon of control.

Just like old times, it left me wondering, are those words and images that remain distinct in my mind (and occassionally my nightmares) really just an imaginary product of my own mind? Was i really hearing voices and under deception that day I cottoned on to that cruel trick being played on me? Is it that the devil is attacking my mind by distorting my memories of what my scars still bear evidence to?

The two realities are so far apart from eachother that they can not possibly be reconciled as “both true”.

When God gave me the courage to open up about my experience for the very first time, one wise and safe person shared a picture with me they saw in their mind. They saw me in the middle of a room full of distorted mirrors. I remember that it resonated with me at the time.

I feel like God is bringing that image up again. When i dwell on experiences i have had with toxic people in my past, I become confused about who and what i am and I feel my self worth plummeting down to the minuses. The way those people have spoken to and treated me have reflected back to me an image that is not me. I am not a small powerless child, i am not unworthy of love, and i am NOT so out of touch with reality or desperate for attention that i am making all of this up in my mind.

So I feel like God is saying to me to look at Him and His reflection back to me of who I really am.